FIC: "The Beginning, Another Beginning, and Some Stuff That Happened In-Between", X/G.
TITLE: The Beginning, Another Beginning, and Some Stuff That Happened In-Between
PAIRING: Xander/Giles
RATING: I would say medium rare. Nothing too graphic.
SETTING: Season Four. No, really, this pretty much spans the whole season. Yes, this would be "that S4 thing" I've been talking about.
SPOILERS: There's probably more, and these are quite vague, but for Go Fish, The Zeppo, Harsh Light of Day, Hush, Doomed, A New Man, Goodbye Iowa, The Yoko Factor and Primeval.
NOTE: Subjective POV, and as usual, my Xander's on a whole lot of crack. Just a beat above eight thousand words.
SUMMARY: Being left out isn't always as terrible as you would imagine.

i. in which the prodigal xander returns

All tales have a beginning; all stories have a start. All comics a first panel. Well, okay, except that one by -- no. Xander literally shook his head. All of everything started somewhere. He imagined a subtle yet effective dissolve shot, indicating a flashback, and started his tale.

His thing with Giles had started after the Greatest Road Trip Ever That Only Made It To Oxnard returned to Sunnyvale. Xander knocked on Giles' door, armed only with his somewhat muted chipper spirit.

Giles came to the door, wearing a weirdly unlibrarianlike pair of jeans and white t-shirt, and grinned. "Xander, hello."

"Giles," Xander replied, looking him up and down. "You had a mid-life crisis and didn't call me? I'm offended! I completely would have supported that." Giles raised an eyebrow, and Xander went on, "Okay, so by supported, I mean 'laughed at', but c'mon! I feel that I've missed a vital part of your emotional development!"

"Nice to see you, too," Giles said rather dryly, stepping back to let Xander in as he returned to the kitchen. "And how was your summer?"

"Oh, you know, a little driving here, some washing dishes there..." Giles looked up at that, frowning, and Xander continued quickly, "America's great! I recommend it for all my English friends. How was the Hellmouth? Answer in great detail, please."

Giles paused, looking at Xander for a moment before he nodded. "Yes, well, ah, it's been rather quiet, in fact."

"All the demon beasties just waiting for the Xand-Man's return, huh?"

Smiling slightly, Giles went through to the kitchen. "Tea?"

With a nod, Xander went through to sprawl on the couch. "So, spill the gossip, have you heard from our collegey friends?"

"Ah... very little," Giles called back, and man, did he ever sound put out about that.

"You know, I say we count ourselves lucky about that. Way I see it, if we see the girls, they're gonna start needing us manly men to shift things and boss around and cater to their every completely non-sexual whim!" He gave Giles a quick grin as the latter set down the cups of tea. "You know, I think the position we're in right now is way under-rated."

Smiling again, Giles sat in the armchair. "Oh, of course. Privileged, as opposed to merely lazy, is that right?"

"Hey, laziness is in no way at all my middle name," Xander retorted, stabbing an index finger in the air towards him. "I have to pay rent now, so laziness is very much a Xander thing of the past."

Giles gave him a surprised look. "You've moved out of home?"

"No, I've moved out of my room. Subtle difference that I feel is actually quite important." Off Giles' look, he qualified, "I, uh, I'm renting the basement from my loving parents."

"Ah," Giles said, quietly, looking down at his tea for a moment before attempting a smile and glancing up. "Well, I'm sure that gives you a rather decent sense of independence."

"Oh yeah," Xander said, looking down.

They were both silent for a couple of minutes then, Xander staring stubbornly at the floor and very much not wanting to see what Giles was thinking right now.

After a time, Giles cleared his throat, quietly. "Well, if you're looking for some sort of job, I could do with a hand to help organise some of the extra texts that I removed from the school library."

"Organise?" Xander repeated, finally looking up with a quick, self-deprecating grin. "Wouldn't that mean you needed someone with 'intelligence' on his resume?"

"Oh, of course," Giles said, dryly. "I can't begin to imagine why I asked you, and I'm certain you don't need the money. Allow me to take the offer back."

"No, I'm good," Xander said, quickly. "Organising, huh? I'm so there. You know, organisation was totally going to be my speciality in the school talent show, but I had to give it up because of how incredibly intimidated everyone else would be. And in the year book? Right under my picture: Xander Harris, most likely to be organised. And there was that one time--"

"Just be here," Giles cut him off, rolling his eyes.

And that, Xander thought, was around about exactly where the big ol' ball of stuff with Giles started rolling.

ii. in which working hard is hard to do

There was no way Xander ever in a trillion years would have guessed that shelving books was so close to resembling hard work. If he had ever known that, there was no way Giles would have ever been able to talk him into this. As it was, he was collapsed on the couch, eyes closed, and he would have been contemplating suicide before tomorrow's working day if it wasn't for the fact that Giles was cooking something way too good-smelling for dinner for the both of them. Work-avoiding suicide was so best done on a full stomach.

"Well," Giles said, as he came to sit in the chair. "I must say, we have done a splendid job here." He tapped Xander's feet in an attempt to get them down from the couch.

"If by splendid you mean exhausting," Xander said, his eyes still closed, "then, yeah. Sure. I completely agree."

"We got far more done than I expected," Giles continued, sounding way too merry for Xander's own good. "We ought to be finished early tomorrow."

"Gotta say, not hating the sound of that," Xander said, finally opening his eyes. "I mean, no offence, Giles, but next time I'm so picking the bonding activity."

Giles gave him a sceptical look. "I can only imagine. Some sort of awful science-fiction film?"

"Hey, I'll have you know I have many interests outside of quality sci-fi," Xander said, defensively. "And, okay, right now I can't think of any of them, but you've put me on the spot. I completely do."

"I'm sure," Giles said, quietly, with a consciously condescending smile.

"I do!" Xander protested again. "I like, uh... comic books, and westerns, and the collected works of JRR Tolkien."

"Of course you do," Giles said, and he was actually smirking slightly, which Xander thought was epically unfair. Just because Giles was smarter than he was didn't mean he got to be all smug about it.

"You know, you'd totally like all of the above if you tried it," Xander offered, after a few moments of silence. "I mean, we're talking quality literature."

Obviously ignoring what Xander had said because he was completely right and Giles was for once stuck for a comeback, he said, "It never fails to astound me that even while you claim to be tired, you can still manage to talk ten times as much as the average man."

"Yeah, if you ask the Willster, it's 'cause my mouth's completely unconnected to the rest of my body. Brain included. Miracle of modern silence. Uh, science."

Smirking again and man, was he ever starting to think that he liked Giles better when he was Super Librarian Man, Giles got up and went back through to the kitchen. "Well, I do hope this miracle of modern medicine includes some sort of regenerative power that might allow us to continue in the morning."

"Oh, mark my words, I'll be here. Bouncing back like a basketball."

Smiling slightly, Giles nodded, and started to serve the dinner. And it was around about right then, Xander thought, that hanging around with Giles started to feel unnaturally normal.

iii. in which our heroes are excluded together

Xander was woken up by the door at the top of the stairs opening, and Giles saying, loud enough that it probably would have woken him up anyway, "Yes, thank you, the cake was lovely."

Well, that was disturbing. And yet making no less sense than the dream Xander had been having, about Kitty Pryde making her way through the outside wall of his basement and of all his dreams, why was that one that didn't lead to sex? But celibacy aside, that was definitely way more fun than listening to Giles compliment his mom's cooking, and so couldn't he just get back to some serious seduction?

"I know you're awake, Xander," Giles said as he got to the bottom of the stairs. "According to your mother, you've already had breakfast."

"Mom lies way too much," Xander said, his voice muffled by the pillow. "We're all very sad about it."

He just knew Giles was rolling his eyes, but either way, he heard a rustling noise and raised his head enough to see Giles rifling through his comics. If he'd had any more energy, he so would have told him to go get his own, but instead, he just lay back down and closed his eyes. If he couldn't see it, it wasn't happening. Tried and true method of Sunnydale Denial.

"Late night?" Giles asked, casually, after a while.

"Of watching bad movies by myself, yeah, that about sums it up." Xander pulled his pillow over his face. "Not like I do anything to be tired from any more and by the way that is not an invitation to make me shelve some more books."

"As it has taken me the last two weeks to sort out the mess you left from your creative approach to the alphabet last time you helped, no, Xander, I suspect I won't be making you."

Giles came over to the bed and sat on the edge of it, and Xander finally gave up and looked at him. Giles was actually reading one of his comics, which was disturbing in its own regard. Xander indicated it with one hand. "Uh, Giles, you do know that's not a demonic text of at least five thousand years old and therefore not likely to be a candidate for Giles' reading material?"

Looking up, Giles shook his head. "I do know, Xander. I read rather a lot of comics when I was a boy."

"They had them back then?" At that, Giles gave him an irritated look, and Xander went on, quickly, "I mean, yeah, of course they had them back then. Not saying you're old, or anything."

"Yes," Giles said, quickly, still glaring, before going on, "And I did enjoy them. I wanted to be somewhat of a superhero myself, and they did help with that." He grinned, looking down at the comic. "I'd planned to be a fighter pilot, actually."

"You did?" Xander asked, and, off Giles' nod, continued, "Whoa. I mean. I've known you three years and I'm only just finding out that you're actually kinda cool?"

Giles glared at him again. "Are you always this insulting at this time of the morning?"

Xander managed to grin back. "Only most of the time. So, superhero, huh?"

"Yes," Giles said, with a nod, though it was a few moments before he continued. "And the closest I came was becoming a Watcher." He looked up at Xander again. "Please, do refrain from pointing out that I was fired."

"Wasn't going to!" Xander said, defensively, then considered, "Okay, so I was maybe thinking about pointing out that Buff doesn't seem to wanna play tag-team-slayage at all nowadays, what with college and all. Our years of training and experience are all of a sudden a big ol' goose egg."

There was silence for a few moments, which Xander was beginning to think usually meant that Giles was coming up with a not-very-cunning plan. This time, Giles simply nodded and put the comic aside. "Well, of course, we don't need to have Buffy with us."

"We don't?"

"Of course not. A couple of, ah, experienced hunters like ourselves, I'm sure we can cope quite fine without her." Giles nodded. "We'll patrol tonight. Buffy's been staying close to the university anyway, I'm certain the city cemeteries must be quite crawling with the underworld."

"Okay, you remember I'm not your Slayer, right?" Xander asked, lying back down on his pillows again. "And that this plan sounds suspiciously like 'let's go and get ourselves killed'?"

"We may not be Buffy, but we're certainly competent," Giles corrected him, standing up. "That's decided, then. You'll come by my house just after sundown."

Resigned, Xander nodded, giving Giles a way-too-tired-for-this look.

Giles, however, ignored it, and turned for the stairs. "And now, if I'm not mistaken, your Mum has baked me some chocolate chip biscuits."

Xander watched him go, and pulled his pillow over his head again, and thought about how much he really should miss the guy-in-tweed a lot more than he actually did.

iv. in which slaying is a two-player-only sport

For not the first time, Xander wondered why he was wearing goggles. He'd brought them because they looked like they should be night-vision goggles, they'd turned out to be skiing goggles that Uncle Rory had left at their place after a probably-illegal trip to Aspen, and now he was stuck with them because Giles had commented on how much he looked the part. And that was in no way the worst part of this situation.

Xander was so about to die, and he was really beginning to wish that he'd written out his last will and testament before he came out here tonight. Not that he had a lot to give away, but there was no way he wanted his parents to get his X-Men figurines or Babylon 5 commemorative plates after his untimely demise tonight at the hands of one of the foulest creatures found on the mouth of Hell.

And Giles was looking chipper. Chipper. That was so not right. He had a stake in one hand, a cross in the other, and Xander would not have been at all surprised if he'd started to whistle. Giles had serious mental problems that went way beyond being British.

Sure, they'd been feeling left out. But he didn't see why that meant they had to commit suicide! And he was not going to die wearing Rory's goggles. Scowling, he pulled them off.

Giles looked over at him. "Have you seen something? Where's it coming from?"

"Nah, nothing," Xander replied, feeling half bad about the look of sudden dismay on Giles' face. "I mean, nothing unless you count a year and a half's worth of dust and grime on the inside of those things." After a moment, hopefully, he went on, "Looks like all's quiet on the Western front, huh? Guess we should probably just be getting home."

Way too dramatically, Giles sighed. "You're right, of course. It would seem we're not needed to defend the fate of the town at all."

"And I, personally, am very sad about that," Xander said, quickly. "I know I was definitely looking forward to having my ass beaten into a new shape by some vampire-of-the-week, but if there's none here, there's nothing we can do about it. Let's go."

Just as Giles was definitely about to agree and go with him, there was the sound of... okay, something. Xander had no idea what it was the sound of, but Giles put his hand on his chest to stop him from walking away, and the two of them looked around.

Finally, Giles said, very quietly, "There. Look."

Sure enough, and much to Xander's dismay, something - okay, probably a vampire - was clawing its way out of a grave. Only its head and one arm were exposed, and Giles, much too excited, looked around at Xander. "It's a vampire. A real, live vampire. That we can kill. Isn't it brilliant?"

"Okay, you're even scaring me," Xander replied, looking back over at the vamp. "And you know, we could just go over and stake him while he's climbing out, no fuss."

Giles seemed to consider it, but shook his head, and gave Xander a scornful look for even suggesting such a thing. "It's rather unsporting."

"You know what else is unsporting? Rising from the grave and trying to kill us."

"Point taken," Giles said, before stepping back as the vampire finally climbed out.

Xander raised the cross he held, brandishing it in front of them, and the vampire growled.

"Xander?" Giles said, quietly. "Let's not make the evil undead any angrier than he needs to be."

Sure enough, the vampire rushed them, then, knocking Xander to the ground and sending his cross flying. His eyes shut tight - there was so no way he was going to watch as the vamp drained his blood and displayed his corpse on the front of his crypt - Xander just managed to get his hands between them and push up as hard as he could.

Giles came up behind them and grabbed the vampire by its shoulders, throwing it back from him. By the time Xander got to his feet, Giles was punching the vampire across the face, and man, Xander had vastly under-rated Giles' fighting skills. He stood back and watched for a moment - long enough for the vampire to fight back and crack Giles' head against his knee.

"Giles!" Xander managed to say, as he fell to the ground, but the vampire sprang across to attack him and he found himself stepping back. He took his stake in his left hand - which admittedly wasn't going to help a whole lot, but he figured the thought counted, and managed to get the vampire with a pretty fair right hook.

This time, the vampire really did stumble back, and tripped over Giles' body. Giles was just beginning to wake up, and, quickly, Xander threw him the stake. And he had to admit, he was pretty impressed, as Giles caught it deftly in his left hand, moved over a little, and jammed the stake through the vampire's heart.

It exploded into dust, and Xander grinned. "Hey, would you look at that. I thought teamwork was just a myth."

"No, no," Giles said, quietly, standing up with a hand to his head. "However, might I suggest that we..."

"Oh yeah, our work here is done," Xander said, and grinned again, putting an arm under Giles' shoulders to help him walk to the car.

v. in which the two understand one another

The first time that Xander actually had what he'd consider a Serious Talk with Giles, was after they all got their voices back, and when he went around to check on him, everything smelled like way too much alcohol. He stepped through the door, calling, quietly, "Giles?"

"Xander?" Giles looked up from the couch. "What are you doing here?"

"Coming around to offer you a movie contract for a couple of million dollars, but I'm thinking you wouldn't care about that right now." Xander sat down in the armchair, leaning back. "Gonna tell me what's up?"

Smiling slightly, Giles looked at him, and man, were his eyes ever too glazed over. "I do appreciate the sentiment, though I somehow think you wouldn't really care to know."

"Hey," Xander said, quickly. "I care. That'd be why I'm here. And all right, so that's not exactly unusual these days but my point pretty much remains. It's not like you're the one to usually choose the Harris Family Coping Mechanism of Choice, so I'm thinking something's happened."

"And I'm fast deciding that it's none of your business," Giles said, though he went back on that almost immediately, adding, "Do you remember Olivia?"

Xander looked at him, quizzically. "Giles, I met her yesterday."

"Yes, of course," Giles replied, with a slight smile. "Well, she, ah. The whole business with the Gentlemen rather frightened her." He laughed, though it was a bit too hysterical. "As it turns out, she thought I was just trying to impress her with all my talk of monsters and vampires."

"And we all know the kind of girl who would be impressed by that is the kind of girl you want sticking around," Xander said, grinning.

"As it turns out, that doesn't matter at all." Giles raised his glass, smiling a little. "She won't be coming back again. Can't say I blame her, can you?"

Xander shrugged, settling back in the seat again. For all his Giles hanging out lately, they hadn't done the feelings-sharing thing, and he was pretty much glad of that. Feelings-sharing usually meant way too much sharing, on his side, and led to badness and possible being kicked out of the house. "I don't know. I guess I get the scary-factor there."

"Oh, of course you do," Giles said, with more sarcasm than he was legally allowed to use in one sentence. "Your girlfriend used to be a vengeance demon. I'm certain you know what it's like to have this."

"Okay, not arguing that, but Giles, dating an ex-demon kind of has some pretty major disadvantages associated with it as well." Xander shrugged, and hey, a drunk Giles was a not remembering this in the morning Giles, and he went on, "I mean, Anya's... she's great. I guess. But she doesn't get it. Any of it."

"Ah, but you get exactly what every teenage boy wants the most," Giles replied, tipping his glass in Xander's direction.

Xander glanced down. "And you talking about my sex life is possibly the most disturbing thing that's happened in the last few days and that's counting the latest closet-monsters. I'm just saying, there's the whole thing there that I'm not sure how we're gonna get past. And I'm not saying it's not my issue completely, I'm just saying..." He looked up again. "You're not the only one who gets it completely sucky sometimes."

Giles nodded, slowly, just looking up at him. Xander looked down. This was a conversation he definitely did not want to be having with him. There was no way it could lead to anything but extreme not going wellness. And so, he figured the mature way to avoid a conversation was just to leave, so he stood up. "So, uh, I'm going to leave you alone with your sorrows drowning thing."

Smiling, very slightly, Giles nodded.

And Xander left, more than just a bit glad that he wasn't sticking around for that fun night of not-at-all-fun. And besides, there was definitely stuff that he was never telling Giles under pain of death, and when he walked to his car, he wondered when he'd started being all share-care-grow-learn guy with Giles, anyway.

vi. in which matters are complicated somewhat

After the Hellmouth wasn't reopened and the sacrifice of three wasn't made, Xander went back to Giles' house to check on the Blaming Himself Man. He knocked, which was unusual enough in itself these days, and after a few moments, Giles opened the door.

"Hey," Xander greeted him, throwing his arms open. "Check everything out. World? Very much not ended."

Giles smiled, standing back for Xander to come inside. "I'm..."

"Got it, G. Words can't express how happy you are the world's still turning. And I'm gonna take advantage of that happiness and invite myself in for possible dinner and never going back to my basement again."

As Giles raised an eyebrow, Xander went over to drop down on the couch, and offered, "Spike. As in the living at my place kind."

"Of course," Giles said, sitting down on the other end of the couch. "Well, of course, I'd hope that you know my place is always open." He leaned back, a little. "And it's rather nice that you, at least, take advantage of that."

"Ah, the girls are gonna come around soon as that shiny-new factor with college wears off a bit. Mark my words, they'll be grovelling at our feet for ignoring us this much." Without so much as a pause, Xander went on, "Yeah, even I didn't think that sounded realistic."

Giles smiled slightly, inclining his head. "I don't think it's conscious, Xander. They simply have more exciting things in their lives."

"And by things we mean boys, right? Okay, maybe not in Will's case but with how phone-call-non-pick-uppy she's been, there's definite guy-in-her-life chancage." Xander nodded, firmly.

Sighing, quietly, Giles replied, "I have absolutely no idea what you just said."

"You know, one of these days, you're gonna go back to England and someone there is gonna be all snotty with the 'you don't speak proper English' thing, and you're gonna regret always scorning the way we say stuff." Xander nodded again. "I mean, it's a perfectly acceptable languagistic variation. American-English. I'm pretty sure they have books on it again." Again without a pause, he changed subjects, "So how's the latest head injury?"

"Only aching when someone babbles," Giles replied, in rather a strained voice.

"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm perfectly able to keep silent," Xander replied, quickly, "And, okay, so the guys on the swim team that time offered me ten bucks if I could shut up for twenty minutes in the steam room and I couldn't but that was so completely different! I was undercover!"

"Yes, I do remember," Giles said, faintly.

"And the thing is, Will always says that I talk more when I'm nervous about stuff, but what could I possibly be nervous about now? I mean, hey, the world's all saved, right, no more opening of the school-centric Hellmouth, and it's not like I'm nervous about hanging with you 'cause I do that all the time, right?"

"Xander..."

Xander ignored him, going on. "And we do. Hang out, I mean. Pretty much constantly which is a good thing, 'cause it's not like I'm wanting to go home with Spike there, or to work, since I'd have to work, and besides, being here's good 'cause Anya almost always forgets to check for me, and so I can just do the guy-bonding thing, which can never be a bad thing."

"Xander."

Xander still pretended not to hear, and okay, so his mouth was completely unconnected to his brain by now. "And there's this thing where I actually kinda like spending time with you, and if I had any cool friends I would so have to beg you to never tell them that because I for one still remember the whole three year stint where you were a school librarian and oh good god in heaven stop me--" And here, Xander stopped himself, and shifted across the couch in one movement, putting his hands on Giles' head and kissing him, hard.

Okay, so there was that moment that there so hadn't been with Cordelia or Anya or Willow or anyone, where Giles kind of froze in shock and Xander was suddenly completely sure that this was the biggest mistake of his life, but it was only a moment, and then Giles was letting him kiss him, and okay, he was even kissing him back a little and that too was way more okay than it should have been.

And man, could Giles kiss. It was completely slow to get going which was kinda understandable because this had so come out of, well, not nowhere, okay, so it had come out of somewhere that had been building for way too long a time for it to be healthy, but it was still surprising, but his point was that once it got going, it was way of the good. Even Anya couldn't kiss like this - not that they really spent an extensive amount of time actually kissing - and she assumably had way more experience with it.

But Giles' mouth was kinda hot, and there weren't any teeth like there had been the first time he kissed Cordelia, and it wasn't all hesitant like the first time he kissed Will, and his own fingers were kinda digging into the back of Giles' neck, and this was way more right than it had any reason or rhyme to be and--

Giles pulled back, finally, and Xander gave him a shocked look. "Huh?"

"What are you doing?" Giles asked, after a few moments of stunned silence.

Xander dropped his hands from Giles' neck. "Me? Me doing? That was so not my fault."

Giles took his glasses off, and okay, Xander thought, that was probably not a good sign. "Xander..."

Quickly, Xander looked down, and his mouth felt kind of swollen, and he so had no idea what to say right now. "I, uh, I think this is the bit where I'm meant to apologise."

"Xander," Giles began again, and this time, he sounded way more measured and Xander looked up with a little bit of hope. "I have no idea what you think you're doing."

"Common interpretation would be kissing," Xander said, quickly.

Sounding a shade more irritated, Giles went on, "But I hardly think you should be bringing me into it."

Xander just stared at him for a moment. "Bringing you into it? Giles, you're in it. You're pretty much half of whatever disturbing thing 'it' is. That's kinda my entire point with the kissing and the, uh." He nodded.

In a lower, more even voice, Giles went on, "I will not be used as some... excuse to avoid Anya, or some experiment with your sexuality. Quite apart from the sheer ridiculousness of the very idea of this."

Silently, Xander looked down, just staring at his feet.

Giles got up, and said, quietly, "Please, just leave."

And Xander did, and thought to himself how glad he was that he'd decided this wasn't the beginning at all, because if it had been, it would have been the worst beginning in the history of forever.

vii. in which 'sorry' means 'yes'

Xander wasn't sitting in his basement feeling sorry for himself, oh no. He wouldn't do something like that, especially after he felt kind of bad about throwing pots and pans at Giles when he was a demon. In fact, he was so very much not sitting in his basement feeling sorry for himself that what he was actually doing was lying down. And feeling sorry for himself.

The outside door opened, quietly, interrupting Xander's train of thought, and he lifted his head slightly. Giles was standing there, his hands in his pockets, looking more than a little sheepish.

"If you've, uh, come to get an apology out of me," Xander said, sitting up, "I've gotta say I had one planned. Complete with bandaids for any saucepan-type bruises you've got."

Giles smiled, looking down as he walked over to the bed. He took his glasses off and rubbed his temple, briefly. "Quite the opposite, in fact."

"You've got no bruises?"

"I happen to believe I'm the one who owes an apology," Giles said, gently. He sat down on the edge of the bed, looking up at him. "The way I spoke to you the other day, Xander, was quite unforgivable."

Xander quickly looked down. "Nah, it's cool, I'd hate me kissing me as well. Let's, uh, let's ignore the fact I've actually done that before, but in a hand-to-mouth way, and it usually ended up pretty all right."

"You took me by surprise," Giles said, still quietly. "I'm afraid that's the only explanation I can offer."

"Oh yeah. Nobody expects the Xander inquisition. And by 'inquisition' I mean 'kissing'."

Giles looked up at him. "I'm not joking. I'm sorry for how I reacted, and I'm not entirely sure where to start to put things right."

"Put things..." Xander looked up at him, then, and chanced a half-grin. "Huh? I'm guessing that I'm hearing things. Put things right?"

"If what happened was a..." Giles motioned a little with his glasses, grasping for a word, "Was a genuine display of affection."

"Of the very gayest kind," Xander inserted, cheerfully, then shook his head. "Wait. I so wish I hadn't said that."

Smiling again, Giles went on, "If it was, then the situation should have been handled rather differently." He looked over at Xander, replacing his glasses. "To be perfectly honest, I never imagined this sort of situation would arise at all. But I'd be lying to say that it's unwanted."

"It's wanted?" Xander asked, quickly. "Really? Can I just say again, 'huh'?"

Giles tipped his head slightly, without replying, and Xander had to just grin. "You've got a thing for me?"

"Yes, Xander," Giles said, his voice rather strained again, "That's exactly how I would never have put it, thank you very much."

Quickly, Xander grinned again. "Not in a bad way, Giles, I'm just saying, it's cool. And kinda, I don't know. I mean. I've had a thing, and I'm not meaning always a good thing, it was mostly kinda disturbing because you're old and British and a guy and not to mention a librarian--"

"Is this going somewhere?"

"-- but I've had this thing since, I don't know, I was sixteen. And dumb. And pretty much constantly horny but that kinda describes most of my life so I'll just move on. I've had this thing. And now I'm finding out that you had this thing, and so I'm pretty much suddenly okay with the thing. And can I shut up and maybe kiss you again?"

"Please do," Giles said, quickly, even if it was probably more to make Xander stop with the talking and man he could not blame Giles any less for that. And so Xander knelt up, and grinned, and shifted forward on the bed, and this time Giles leaned forward as well and they kissed. And it was better than last time, calmer and more comfortable, and Xander was definitely thinking that this thing he had could probably be the middle of a very good thing indeed.

viii. in which the danger is entirely self-inflicted

Xander had always had a disturbing thing about near-death situations. Even when they weren't exactly near death but they were definitely in a situation where the worst possible thing would be to have any sort of sexual experience. For, oh, a completely random example, Xander thought of Faith. Because man, if there was ever an ideal time to have your first sex ever, just before an apocalypse and when a whole bunch of zombies were about to blow up the high school was definitely not it.

And so, okay, admittedly things weren't completely dire right now even though there really was a reason that they were hiding out in Xander's basement, thinking about sex, or, more specifically, gay sex, or even more specifically gay sex with Giles, definitely qualified for the bad timing award. Especially since he'd forgotten to add into that the fact his girlfriend, plus Willow and Buff, were asleep only a thin sheet away.

But even closer than a thin sheet away was a sleeping Giles, and Xander looked up at him, and tugged on the blanket, whispering, not nearly quietly enough, "Giles, man. I want to have sex."

Naturally, Giles didn't wake up when he said that, because that would have made Xander's life way too easy. He tried again, actually reaching over and shaking Giles' arm. "Giles, wake up."

"Hm?" Giles said, finally, stirring slightly and frowning. "Xander?"

"Yeah, it's me," Xander tried, tugging on Giles' arm again. This time, Giles rolled over, and, of course, slipped right off his makeshift bed. He fell onto Xander with way too loud a grunt, and quickly, Xander whispered, "Okay, Giles, not to call you fat, but there is no way I am going to be able to breathe with you lying on me like this."

"Then why did you wake me up?" Giles asked, finally sounding coherent and somewhat annoyed.

"Because," Xander whispered, urgently, "I want to have sex. With you. I'm thinking about now would be good."

Giles paused for a long while, at that, and Xander wondered if this was definitely a bad idea. He wasn't sure how long two guys were meant to wait to, um, do it, because, well, two guys, which meant two people leaning towards less-is-better on the waiting time, and besides, if you didn't count his time in Oxnard, it wasn't like he and Anya had waited all that long. And besides, there'd been a lot of kissing by now and he was definitely ready to move on.

"Right now?" Giles asked, and he sounded much too incredulous for Xander's liking.

Xander nodded, before remembering that the dark kind of meant there was no way Giles was going to be able to see that. Instead, he tried speaking. "Right now. And I know that there's the whole girls a few yards away possible being caught risk, but I'm willing to take those odds on. We're all going to die before long anyway, and I am so not going to die without going further than the making-out thing we've got going on not that I'm not loving that because, okay, I am."

"That is quite possibly the worst pick up line I've heard in my life," Giles whispered back, and he still so wasn't moving to let Xander breathe. Selfish guy. But then, he added, "If you're certain?" and Xander immediately mentally took back all insults of Giles that he'd made in the last two minutes.

"I'm certain," Xander said, quickly, starting to squirm under him to try and take his boxers off.

Finally, Giles moved off him, and Xander could actually see the slightly disapproving look he was giving him in the dark. Xander propped himself up on his elbows. "What?"

"This really is rather sudden," Giles replied, still in a whisper. "Have you any, ah..."

"Any..." Xander echoed, before realising. He nodded, and scrambled to his feet. "Ooh! I so do! Anya keeps some over here for... okay, sensing that talking about Anya isn't the best thing to do right now." Quickly, he went over to the cupboard beside the washing machine, and began to rifle through it. He ran back, almost slipping on the rug, and knelt next to Giles again, grinning and pressing the lubricant into his hand.

"Never tell me," Giles said, quietly, though this time he was almost smiling.

Xander grinned back, and continued to take his boxer shorts off. He literally threw them away, and they hit the sheet hanging between them and the girls, and then he stopped thinking about Ways To Be The Best Striptease You Can Be, because Giles took him in his arms, and they were kissing again.

He still definitely rated Giles' kissing at about the number one spot. There was the thing where his chin was kinda rough, and that was in no way bad. And besides that, Giles liked to do that thing where he kind of bit Xander's lip, and okay, except for that time Faith did it, he was so a fan of people doing that. And then Giles pushed him down -- or he pulled Giles down, he wasn't totally sure and that so wasn't at all important right now -- onto the rug, and they were still kissing, but now he could feel Giles pressing down against him and why had he ever thought he wasn't remotely gay when he was so turned on by that? Xander said a silent apology to the late gay Larry, and focussed instead on oh god how good it felt when Giles actually rubbed against him like that and man, he should have been gay a long time ago.

And he was about to tell Giles that, when there was the distinctive sound of the door at the top of the stairs opening, and Xander threw the blanket from Giles' bed over the both of them, very not enjoying any prospect of what might be coming down here.

"You got some friends down here, Xander?" his father called, as the slight squeak announced that he was at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh, good lord," Giles said, quietly, against Xander's shoulder, where Xander was holding him down. "I feel like a teenager."

"Shut up," Xander said, quickly. The thought of his father catching them doing the almost-sex thing was so more sobering than a bucket of ice-water.

"Xander?" his father called again, before his footsteps stopped. Xander froze. He was so about to be killed. Probably shot through the head. He kind of hoped that his dad didn't murder Giles as well, because that would just be messy, and besides, no matter what she seemed to think nowadays, Buff would so definitely miss Giles if he was killed for not quite having sex, and a sad Buff did not a happy Xander make, and he was still thinking all of this when his father spoke again. "What have you got three girls down here for?"

It was about then that Xander recognised the word slurring and registered that his dad was most definitely on the drunken side of sober, and possibly talking to himself. And he would have laughed, but his father laughed instead, and said, and oh man he was probably doing stuff that Xander was going to need therapy to forget, "Three girls in one bed. Think I might be about to see something fun."

"Oh god," Xander said, quietly, "I am so gonna have to kill that guy."

And Giles was shaking in the way that Xander so suspected he was about to burst out laughing, so he shoved him off, quickly, and grabbed his boxers. He had a superhero plan, here. He'd make his dad go upstairs, probably give him some coffee or something even though he never did that, and then he'd come back down - and at this point in the plan he was wearing a tuxedo and holding a martini, and then he'd be the one doing the seducing, and everything would go perfectly.

Afterwards, and in hindsight, Xander thought that probably wasn't the first time things hadn't gone exactly to plan. However, it was the first time that after getting his father out of the room, he and Giles had sordid brilliant hot sweaty secret basement sex, and that just brought a grin to his face.

ix. in which they're each separated from the others

After Buffy left, Willow and Tara quickly made excuses and followed suit while Anya stayed in the bathroom, and Xander just turned, and went upstairs. He stopped at the entrance to the loft, and said, quietly, "Giles, you awake?"

"No," Giles said, from where he was lying on the bed. "Go away."

"Giles, believe me, I get how much that sucked," Xander tried, quietly. "But shouldn't we be going after them? Assemble the Avengers, that sort of thing?"

"Oh, I don't think so. After all, Buffy doesn't need us any more."

"Hey, you know that's not true," Xander said, and this time, he went over and sat on the edge of the bed. "I mean, yeah, okay, sure, evidence would suggest she's pretty much and can you believe Willow's gay?"

"No," Giles said, and shifted onto his back, looking up at Xander. "No, now that you mention it, I can't believe that at all."

"I mean, what, after me no other man could compare and so she turned to women?" Xander shook his head, and then, as an afterthought, added, "And okay, I admit that it would be fair to mention Oz in there somewhere."

Giles snorted, lying back and closing his eyes.

Xander shook his head. "Look, what I'm saying is that Buff's going out there and odds are she's going to get really killed. And yeah, so a big part of me kind of hates her right now but far as I remember, we don't give up when we hate our friends. She still needs us."

"As she's needed us since graduation?"

"Yeah," Xander said, looking down and not replying.

Sighing, Giles put his hand over his eyes. "Xander, perhaps you should just take Anya and leave. After all, I'm sure there's some terribly heterosexual sex you two could be getting on with in such a time of crisis."

"Giles, that's not--" Xander cut himself off, and shook his head. "Okay, so I guess it is fair, but we're not. I mean. Okay, yeah, I have nothing to say to that."

"Ah!" Giles said, smiling again, very sarcastically. "A first. Perhaps we should call the television stations."

"Okay, I am so coming back when you're less drunk out of your head," Xander said, standing up. He glanced at him, quickly, and sure, there was probably a way this day could have gone a whole lot worse, but short of death by dismemberment, he wasn't sure how that happened to be.

"Do give Anya my regards," Giles continued, sounding rather insincere. "Tell her I'm terribly sorry for my rather clumsy attempts to steal you away."

Not replying, Xander just put his head down, and left the room.

x. in which the mind and the heart are in agreement

Every time they had the whole after-an-apocalypse thing, there was something really way too similar about it. After Buffy had died. After she'd sent Angel to hell. Definitely after the Mayor had gone all snakeward and now, after the defeat of Adam, it was definitely not an exception. Every time, Xander was always left with a big old dose of 'what comes now'?

He'd gone home with Giles after the sleepover at Buffy's, and they'd done a whole big lot of not speaking. Giles had muttered a couple of apologies for his drunken comments, and Xander had done a fair bit of staring at the floor.

Thing was, he didn't know what to do. There was Anya. And Anya was a big thing, even if she was weird and there were a whole lot of issues there. And she loved him, a lot, and he wasn't totally sure he had it in him to hurt her. Not to mention the fact that she used to be a vengeance demon, and there were probably about a bazillion different creative ways she could skin him if he left her.

But he thought all that over, and it only came out as, "I care about Anya a lot."

Which just got a nod from Giles.

And then on the other hand, there was Giles, and man, was there ever a bucketload of issues to think about there. He was still pretty sure he wasn't gay. It wasn't like he went walking down the road and thought about how good looking guys were. Okay, so sometimes he thought about that when he was watching, oh for example, Star Trek, but that was completely different. But with Giles... there was the thing where he wasn't Anya, and that was completely in a good way. There was never that fear about there actually being nothing there.

With Anya, he was scared, more often than he ever liked to admit for fear of sounding like a complete girl, that all there was to it was a lot of sex. And it was good sex, he'd never deny that, even if it wasn't secret sneaking in the basement when the girls were sleeping sex. But she didn't know him, really. She couldn't have named his favourite comic book, and she probably didn't even know what his favourite thing to eat for lunch was. More than that, she didn't care. Or he thought she didn't. Maybe she did under all that 'why haven't we had sex for two days' stuff, but he couldn't be sure. And that scared him.

But with Giles, it was like... Giles knew him. And for some reason, even with knowing him for three years, Giles still wanted to do the whole thing they had going on. And that was leaving out the whole part where Giles really did get him, sometimes maybe even more than Buff or even Will did. And he wasn't sure how to go about thinking about that without getting a whole bundle of confusion.

And all that translated to, "And I care about you a lot." He swallowed, though, and made himself clarify. "I kinda think I'm in love with you."

Giles looked up, then, and there was the world's most unreadable expression on his face. He took his glasses off, and Xander almost looked away. He managed to keep his gaze, and finally, Giles smiled, just slightly. And Xander wasn't totally sure which of them stood up first, but the bottom line, or pretty close to the bottom anyway, was that they both did stand.

And Xander chanced a grin, and they both kind of put their arms around each other, and he leaned up - and here, he so wanted to point out that it was way too annoying that Giles was just that little bit taller than he was - and kissed him, quietly, very gently.

Xander wasn't good at reading stuff into things. He never had been, and it had driven his English teachers insane back in the day that he occasionally tried to do things without Willow's input. But he was pretty sure by the way Giles was kissing him that this was of the okay. More than okay. He was definitely getting the feeling that Giles didn't mind the whole maybe-in-love thing, and from the greatness of this kiss, he was also getting the impression that Giles felt the same way.

When he'd started thinking about the whole Anya-or-Giles thing, it had started to feel like kind of an ending. Or at least a late middle leading up to a big climax, or something. But the funniest thing was - here, like this, just kissing him? Pretty much felt like the beginning all over again.